Dear SHS,
My love handles are asymmetrical; the left one is bigger. Why?
-Lopsided in Little Rock
Dear Lopsided,
Probably because when you are laying on the couch in front of the TV inhaling a bag of Gardettos like an asshole you are always laying on the same side. Flip your lazy ass over once in awhile. I promise the Bachelorette season finale will watch the same no matter what side you are on.
I am assuming you find this problematic, because you took 3 minutes to wipe your hands on your pants and type a query about it. Here are my medically unsound suggestions to take over the advice of your doctor:
Since exercise is obviously out of the question, you have the option of gaining so much weight that lovehandles with be indistinguishable from the rest of your body. I suggest a rigorous routine of carbs, polyunsaturated fats and hydrogenated oils, and whatever they eat in Mississippi.
You can sew a pocket onto the inside of all your shirts on the side that is less lovehandly and insert a condom filled with whatever gelatinous substance accurately resembles lovehandles in movement and dimension. I suggest pudding.
Assuming you haven't done this already, buy one of those "back supporters" that is really a girdle from QVC. Tell people you have a herniated disk. Go home and shame eat in the shower.
My love handles are asymmetrical; the left one is bigger. Why?
-Lopsided in Little Rock
Dear Lopsided,
Probably because when you are laying on the couch in front of the TV inhaling a bag of Gardettos like an asshole you are always laying on the same side. Flip your lazy ass over once in awhile. I promise the Bachelorette season finale will watch the same no matter what side you are on.
I am assuming you find this problematic, because you took 3 minutes to wipe your hands on your pants and type a query about it. Here are my medically unsound suggestions to take over the advice of your doctor:
Since exercise is obviously out of the question, you have the option of gaining so much weight that lovehandles with be indistinguishable from the rest of your body. I suggest a rigorous routine of carbs, polyunsaturated fats and hydrogenated oils, and whatever they eat in Mississippi.
You can sew a pocket onto the inside of all your shirts on the side that is less lovehandly and insert a condom filled with whatever gelatinous substance accurately resembles lovehandles in movement and dimension. I suggest pudding.
Assuming you haven't done this already, buy one of those "back supporters" that is really a girdle from QVC. Tell people you have a herniated disk. Go home and shame eat in the shower.
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